just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
