Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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