this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We got so high we made milksteak
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
