I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
