two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
