The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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