I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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