that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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