So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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