She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
