Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
