I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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