I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
