I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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