I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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