im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
