Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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