so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
