Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
