He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
pray to the hookup gods
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
