You just made me feel so damn special
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
