Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
