I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize