Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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