He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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