She is in my trunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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