well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
