Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
