Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
