so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
