dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
