Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
