I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
