Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
