I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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