So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
