just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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