if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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