70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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