dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
