I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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