3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just cut my nipple shaving
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
