I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
