I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
