Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
