i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
