I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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