Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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