He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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