why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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