I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They took my balls.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
