Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
