Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
