I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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