***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
