I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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