she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
