let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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