Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
