i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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