I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
