Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
