does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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