At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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