You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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