he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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