She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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