There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize