I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
