Only a mothe r could love this liver
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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