my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
