you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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