i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
