drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
