I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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