I'm eating all of the evidence.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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