I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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