My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
