Got a toothbrush?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
