remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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