You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A+ Viking dick
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
