My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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