He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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