New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
