I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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