nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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